The first one: ummm guhhhh, I kind of read that with my mouth hanging open.

The second: akjdfalsdlksdlka
electronic noseplugs
that is so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute

The third:
sipping hot borscht through novelty mugs
So slowly that the passerby give them strange looks as they pass
What are you, a fucking flamingo?
I would like to spend a day in your brain. I really, really would.